The Sassy Uterus

I don't mean to brag...

about how funny my oldest son is (Skyler, otherwise known as b1, aged 12 1/2) but you may want to put your drink down before you read much further. 

Just yesterday we are sitting around my parent's picnic bench and my father is talking about how his father has stopped appearing to him in dreams since he (my father) has returned to the Catholic Church and I murmur, "I don't blame him."  And my father, used to my snideness sarcasm continues, "No, I think that was his message to me."  And the subject of God comes up.  And something about my Dad needing to be closer to God, or something like that and this conversation occurs between him and Skyler:

Skyler: So..umm...you're close to God huh?

Grandpa: Yes, I think we are.

Skyler:  So are you, like, friends?

Grandpa: Sure.

Skyler:  So is He, like, in your Fave Fives?

I was in the worst mood yesterday when he said this I busted up.  And then I got mad at him for making me laugh.  Happy times.  Here is a pic of the young lad.  In a few short weeks he'll be at the (:::shiver:::) Junior High.

And because I told him he had to be serious and cute, this is what I got:

'Tisn't he cute?

On to the baby girl-child.  She's four-years-old now and I thought adjusted quite nicely to their birth of her younger brother.  Some of you may, or may not, know that she is the only girl child in the group of five kids.  She was also the baby of the family pre-baby Isaac.  She mommies him.  Loves him.  Is great with him.  But something tells me that she may have some issues she might like help with:

This is Phil's computer desk.  That is a binder on top of his desk which, apparently, makes a quite nice hanger holder.  On the right is her blue purse.  On the left, is her stuffed cat...hanging by it's COLLAR.

Think I'm lying to you?  Here's a close up:

That little pink band you see threaded through the hanger is the cat's collar.  And she did this herself.  And then walked away.  Simply skipped down the hallway, carefree, or perhaps carefree in a manical type of way.

Yup....just another day in our zoo.  But God...how we laugh.

Swerving

In recent months I have adopted a policy that I call,"Swerving."  Swerving is when I avoid getting into an argument.  It's a new skill for me.  Because the "me" of ten years ago flew head-on into these situations, feeling my blood pressure rise and revving up for the good fight.  Except I left these encounters feeling mad and frustrated, because inevitably, the exchanger and I still would not see eye-to-eye.  I wasn't convinced of their (stupid) stance and they weren't willing to see the wisdom of mine.  You can see how this would be frustrating.

Lately, being older and perhaps wiser, and definitely more tired, I've decided to swerve.  I can't change people's minds, especially if they are looking for trouble.  So a-swerving I go. 

For example, Phil's grandma at a recent family gathering.  She's a devout Catholic, as are my parents.  She started interrogating asking Phil why he doesn't go to Church.  I already began to head for the nearest exit.  Then she had to make sure he knew that he "should" (do not, for the love of all that is, indeed, holy ever use the word "should" in a statement to Phil, it won't work out the way you had hoped) go to Church for the kids' sakes.  And Phil shot her down at each pass, and then she says, as I'm sliding the back door open to make my escape, "Well, what about Jenny?"  And my father-in-law (God love *him*) says, "What about Jenny?  She's right there, ask her!"  And I said, "Nope, I'm not here.  See, my foot is out the door, I'm in transit.  I am not taking part in this conversation."  And away I went.  An example of a successful swerve. 

I could have stayed and unleashed on the 80-year-old, but why?  I wouldn't be proud of myself.  And she wouldn't have understood that to me, the Catholic Church feels like an old wool sweater.  Comforting if you're freezing but not too long before the itchiness drives you nuts. 

Swerving has definitely been helpful.  I've avoided conflicts, been able to listen to whiny people without getting frustrated....because, as it turns out, giving a fake sympathetic look and a nod is also a good way to swerve away from saying, "Oh shut the 'eff up." 

But there are times when my fiery side still pops out.  But I like to believe it's during those moments that only true deserve it.  Take for instance my commute to work yesterday.  I got cut-off, and by cut-off I mean slam-on-your-brakes-or-your-vehicle-will-become-one-with-an-ugly-maroon-Chevrolet-sedan, no less than two times.  The same ugly maroon Chevrolet sedan.  Both times and both by the same driver who could only be described as a woman troll.  Poster woman for the woman trolls. 

So at the second time, it had to be said.  I'm not proud to say that if you saw a woman leaning out of her minivan's driver-side window yelling, "You SUCCCCKKKKK!" to a maroon Chevrolet sedan on Hwy. 238 in CA....it could have been me.

Family Love....

Random Quotes from My Family:

B3 (Age 6): Mom and Dad, when you die, can I have all the money in your wallets?

And recently when G4 (age 4) was going to go on her first sleepover at Grandma's house:

G4: Don't worry Mom, I won't miss you!

(In her defense, one of the things we used to say to her when she wanted to go sleep over and we thought it was too soon was, "What if you wake up in the middle of the night and start wanting to come home because you are missing Mommy or Daddy?"  So she was just answering the question before I asked it...I hope.)

And then on another day,

B3: Mom, when I'm an adult, I will be very sad when you die. 

And a conversation between B3 and B2 (age 9):

B2: Time goes by so fast when you are little.  It went by faster when I was younger.  Hey B3, doesn't time go by fast for you?

B3: I don't know what you are talking about.

B2: Like yesterday.  Didn't yesterday fly by?

B3: I don't know.  I wasn't watching it.

Lastly, a day after my father told me I was not ADDand while my husband was awaiting an answer from me:

Dad to Me: Jennifer, focus!

Hmmm....sounds like a life theme for me.