Lately animals have been symbolic for me. My shih-tzu, Ariel, has been chasing her tail relentlessly and finally grabbing hold of it and gnawing on it. The chasing part, I totally get. I chase my tail all the time, symbolically. The gnawing part, well, that is usually accomplished by a variety of things: workplace drama, hellish Bay Area commutes (Be proud Bay Area, together we have made the shittiest commute area in Nor Cal. By the way, how can so many people be laid off due to the economy yet still be commuting at the same times as me?), parental disapproval, moving house, school final papers, etc.
But today, I was struck by the pigeons above the signs at a local shopping strip. Pigeons roosting on store signs has apparently been a problem for the owners of this retail property because they had installed little spikes, similar to these on top of the signs. So, of course, it cracked me up to see the birds just chillin' up there like it wasn't no big thing.
I think they were trying to tell me to stay strong. I quickly dismissed that notion and thought, "Well, the spikes must not be too sharp." Then it hit me: Of course they're not too sharp. If they were, pigeons and other feathery pests would be impaling themselves on the tops of store signs. Nothing says bad business like a dead bird impaled on your sign. I don't know about you, but personally, I will not give my business to a store that has dead animals staked outside.
So let's do some math here: To make birdies go away they put up spikes. They didn't make the spikes too sharp because that would be gross at best. So essentially, they are little sticks that are somewhat dull. Hmmm.... dull sticks & birds.....sticks+birds=nest. Well, crap, why didn't they just lay out the welcome mat and say, "Hey birds, welcome home, we've built you a nest!"
I can imagine the potential pigeon who happens upon this "nest" (incidentally, he's a male in this story):
Hmmm...well it definitely needs some work, those sticks are all going the wrong direction. What ass-backwards pigeon architect built this job? Well, it is free so the price is right. It's a fixer-upper but I have nothing but time on my wings. In fact, it reminds me of my first bachelor nest. A bit rough around the edges (no pun intended, haha...er...chirp, chirp) but it will do for now. And because of those backwards sticks I'll probably have to lean my feathered ass *way* over the edge to take a dump, but hey....that is do-able. Yup, I think I'll move right in."
Good work you innovators out there. Next time, just find a way to funnel their birdy shit into the gutters and then we'll deem it a solution.
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