Unless you have been living way, way off the grid, you have noticed a shift in pop culture when it comes to motherhood. It is very trendy now to claim you are a "bad mother" or "slacker mom." Moms everywhere are owning up to their true feelings about motherhood, which is obviously healthy. But true to the trajectory of human behavior, this trend is offered an inch and it takes a mile.
Since I read a lot and am active in many mommy communities, I have wondered from where this movement can be traced. It seems to have appeared out of nowhere. I sometimes wonder if it is the offspring of the "Desperate Housewives" plague.
We now are being influenced to be shitty parents from pop culture, as T.V. shows like The Real Housewives (of NY & NJ) and In the Motherhood air, and books are published such as Ayelet Waldman's Bad Mother or the compilation, titled True Mom Confessions. The various authors and producers will try and convince you that what they are doing is supporting women and helping them escape self-criticism driven by the belief that they should be perfect. In fact, you could even say that they are being feminists. Or not.
I have to say that their motives are less noble and more about striking when the iron is hot and cashing in. MojoMom.com wrote an article on her blog about this, "Is the True Mom Confessions trend already over the top?" In her introduction she tells of an article in the Wall Street Journal, "Bad Parents and Proud of It: Moms and a Dad Confess." A mother interviewed for the article stated that when her child first starting walking she would push him/her over because she believed it was too soon, that crawling had to come first. She admits to having a "sort of nasty thrill," at knocking her own infant child over.
Okay...what? I mean really, what brew are you drinkin' that has you so 'effed up in the head that pushing your own child down is fun? I'm all for mothers being honest, one look at my blog will tell you that. And I'll be the first person to tell you that you had better find some humor in the chaos of parenting or you will be hanging from a rope tied to the rafters by the preschool years. Or be entirely too attached to that glass of wine you have at dinner...and lunch...and before breakfast. So, yeah, you better pace yourself and find some refreshment along the way because this parenting job is one long bitch of a marathon. Laughter makes for a good refresher.
But being a bitch to your own children isn't funny. It's isn't a cute, "Oh you're soooo bad," type of thing. It borderlines on abuse.
We all have our flaws. We all have moments of wanting to jump in our car and start driving really fast and far, far away from our familes. Normal stuff. Sometimes funny stuff. It all depends on whether you tried to run away only to find your car had a flat. That would be funny.
But constantly making children stand behind you when it comes to personal priorities is not something that you should ever be proud of. Being a mean 'ol bitch to your children will just ensure that someday when you need a nursing home, they will accidentally put your ass on a bus to Florida. With no identification card on you to be found. Frankly, I'd rather treat my children as I would like to be treated. Or least try to.
That's the difference: You try, you fail. Okay, you're forgiven. Confessions are only a true confession if you feel guilty and want to do better. But don't ask me to forgive your shortcomings if you are the one that chopped yourself off at the knees. At least now though, you'll have to look your children in the eye.
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