With the start of this new school year I had high, high hopes on getting just a wee bit of time to myself. My plan was to drop the kids off at school, come home, plug Isaac into the television with a Barney DVD on continuous play and have a few hours to myself until it was time to leave for work.
Isaac has other plans. Shit, the kid damn near has a five-year-outcome graph on me. He would prefer me to cuddle him on the couch whilst Barney watching. He finds that the blanket alone lacks some warmth. He isn't concerned about last night's dinner plates on the table or the fact that my bookshelf is probably covered in 10 inches of dust due to neglect. Nope, he likes things a certain way-his way. And if I don't comply, he'll follow me around the house screaming.
Okay, let's re-cap: I can't relax or have quiet time (sans Barney, that is) *AND* I can't clean house either. Marvelous, what's next on your itinerary Sir Isaac?
It's been all work and no play for me and the hubby for more than a few months now. I can't remember the last time I was able to read uninterrupted--it is hard to follow a sentence with screaming happening in some part of your house. It's just not a natural reaction to screaming. It probably goes back to our primal roots: Young one of mine screaming = time to kill saber tooth cat.
But there are not any saber tooth cats running around in my house. But I'm pretty sure that if there were, I wouldn't be able to hear it.
I have also not been able to approach a creative project of any kind without a child or two climbing all over me, another asking me a question and then getting pissed when his/her sibling interrupted him/her, in EONS. Okay, just an EON.
So a couple of things have happened here:
1-I've gone nearly deaf.
2-Interestingly enough, despite #1 above, I am hearing them scream, yell and nag even when they are not with me.
Listen people, this can't be good. I am at work. All my co-workers are in their rooms, no patients are in the lobby, no one else in the front office. The phone isn't even ringing. I'll be working away, completely zen-ed out on some spreadsheet-ish project and I'll hear, "Mom. Mom." and I'll snap out of it and think, "Shit, did I just hear that at work?"
It is a twisted thing because I only hear the nagging chorus of child voices when I am *actually* in a place (both physically and mentally) where I can get into the "flow" of things and well, be in a zen-like state.
So meditation is out, as long as my kids' voices are in. The last thing I need is hearing what I at first believe to be the voice of God calling me, "Mom." I would seriously collapse under that pressure.
