The Sassy Uterus

Mr. Owl, how many sicks (nesses) does it take to get to the center of a lollipop?

1, 2, THREE!

Alright.  So as the heading states, I've been ill.  Two weeks ago it was a horrific cold/flu virus that produced entirely too many bodily byproducts out of my nose.  That lasted...oh...about ten days.

Right on the heels of that I came down with a plugged milk duct.  Ouch.  No good.  And if you don't get that taken care of, it can mess up your ability to breastfeed permanently.  Babiest Boy doesn't get enough with the two he has, can you imagine if production won't down to one?

And this week, a bladder infection.   Listen folks, I'm tired.  And I keep pushing myself like I'm strong and stuff.  And really, I'm just really, really tired.  I took yesterday off of work because the antibiotic hadn't yet improved the infection.  I spent a full day telling myself *not* to feel guilty about taking time out for my body to rest. 

My question is:  Uh, when did I turn into such a martyr?  Seriously, I think it's time I get over myself and stop trying to be so damned strong.  I wasn't perfect during this time, far from it.  The kids were still (sigh) late for school (damn missing sock bin), dinner was still late, and the living room was still messy with school papers and such.  I'm definitely not Supermom, and will probably never become Supermom.  But don't cry for me Internet World, I'm okay with being Good-Enough-Mom.   Good enough is a beautiful thing.  It implies moderation, which is to only experience the goodness without going too far to either extreme.

So I'm not going to play the "The one who pushes through her pain and fatigue" anymore.  I'm not going to be push myself to be so damn strong.  Because, as it turns out, it just makes me weak.

Swerving

In recent months I have adopted a policy that I call,"Swerving."  Swerving is when I avoid getting into an argument.  It's a new skill for me.  Because the "me" of ten years ago flew head-on into these situations, feeling my blood pressure rise and revving up for the good fight.  Except I left these encounters feeling mad and frustrated, because inevitably, the exchanger and I still would not see eye-to-eye.  I wasn't convinced of their (stupid) stance and they weren't willing to see the wisdom of mine.  You can see how this would be frustrating.

Lately, being older and perhaps wiser, and definitely more tired, I've decided to swerve.  I can't change people's minds, especially if they are looking for trouble.  So a-swerving I go. 

For example, Phil's grandma at a recent family gathering.  She's a devout Catholic, as are my parents.  She started interrogating asking Phil why he doesn't go to Church.  I already began to head for the nearest exit.  Then she had to make sure he knew that he "should" (do not, for the love of all that is, indeed, holy ever use the word "should" in a statement to Phil, it won't work out the way you had hoped) go to Church for the kids' sakes.  And Phil shot her down at each pass, and then she says, as I'm sliding the back door open to make my escape, "Well, what about Jenny?"  And my father-in-law (God love *him*) says, "What about Jenny?  She's right there, ask her!"  And I said, "Nope, I'm not here.  See, my foot is out the door, I'm in transit.  I am not taking part in this conversation."  And away I went.  An example of a successful swerve. 

I could have stayed and unleashed on the 80-year-old, but why?  I wouldn't be proud of myself.  And she wouldn't have understood that to me, the Catholic Church feels like an old wool sweater.  Comforting if you're freezing but not too long before the itchiness drives you nuts. 

Swerving has definitely been helpful.  I've avoided conflicts, been able to listen to whiny people without getting frustrated....because, as it turns out, giving a fake sympathetic look and a nod is also a good way to swerve away from saying, "Oh shut the 'eff up." 

But there are times when my fiery side still pops out.  But I like to believe it's during those moments that only true deserve it.  Take for instance my commute to work yesterday.  I got cut-off, and by cut-off I mean slam-on-your-brakes-or-your-vehicle-will-become-one-with-an-ugly-maroon-Chevrolet-sedan, no less than two times.  The same ugly maroon Chevrolet sedan.  Both times and both by the same driver who could only be described as a woman troll.  Poster woman for the woman trolls. 

So at the second time, it had to be said.  I'm not proud to say that if you saw a woman leaning out of her minivan's driver-side window yelling, "You SUCCCCKKKKK!" to a maroon Chevrolet sedan on Hwy. 238 in CA....it could have been me.